Bobby Boy's Last Chance

“Alright then, Bobby Boy, you’re free to go,” said Officer Rick, as he opened the cell Bobby was sitting in.

“Really?” said Bobby as he shot up from his bed in disbelief.

“Indeed,” said Officer Rick. “The Cromwells have decided not to press charges, so I figured it’d be best to take it easy on you this time. But remember, you won’t always be so lucky.”

Bobby received his wallet and keys from Officer Rick and walked out of the police station a free man. He decided that the first thing he would do was go home and apologize to his poor little old mum for causing so much trouble.

On the way home, Bobby walked past McCallister’s, the local pub. He kept his head low and walked at a brisk pace, but froze when he heard the door for McCallister’s swing open and a familiar voice call out, “Bloody hell! Bobby Boy, out already?”

Bobby turned around and saw his buddy Simon standing there with a glass of beer in his hand and a stupid grin on his face. He said to Simon, “Hey, yeah, Rick let me off easy. I’m just heading home.”

“Home? Like hell you are. Get your arse in the pub. We’re getting pissed!”

“I really should be getting home,” said Bobby, but Simon grabbed his arm and dragged him inside McCallister’s.

After some heavy drinking, Bobby stumbled out of McCallister’s with Simon, arm over each other’s shoulder, while singing an old tune neither fully knew the words to. They were making their way down the street when a man wearing a ski mask popped out from the alley with a knife in his hand.

“Let’s have that money then,” said the mugger. “Watches and jewelry, too.”

Bobby and Simon threw their hands up, and Bobby looked the mugger up and down. “Jason, is that you?” said Bobby, and the mugger took his ski mask off, smiling.

“I had you,” said Jason, laughing. “I had the both of you.”

“Bloody. You can’t be doing that to a lad as pissed as me,” said Simon, holding his chest. “You’re likely to give me a heart attack, you and your mugging. Why can’t you just pickpocket like us normal hoods?”

“You’re likely to get a heart attack going to the loo, Simon,” said Jason. “Bobby Boy, I was under the impression you were thrown in the jug, yet here you stand.”

“Rick took it easy on me,” said Bobby. “I just got out, had a few pints with Simon here, and now I’m just going home. I’m sure my mum’s been worried.”

“That’s nice to hear,” said Jason. “Anyway, I’m glad I ran into you lot. It just so happens I have a business opportunity, boys. How does a little of the burgling sound to liven up the night and swell up the pockets?”

“Wait, no. You didn’t hear me,” said Bobby. “I said I was going home.”

Simon burped and said, “Count us in.”

“No,” said Bobby.

“Don’t be a wank,” said Simon.

“You seem to be outvoted, Bobby Boy,” said Jason. “That’s the democratic system for you. But there’s no need to worry, we’ll be in, out, done in a jiffy, and you’ll be back at home snug with your mum before you know it. Now, I don’t have all night for the natter, son, so we best be getting the move on.”

Jason started to walk, and Bobby hadn’t planned on following, but Simon shoved Bobby from behind, and Bobby’s legs started moving against his heart’s desire.

Jason led them to a blue two-story house with a white picket fence. “The Cromwell house?” said Bobby. He turned to Jason and said, “I need to leave. They know my face. I can’t be here.”

“Grab his wallet would you, Simon,” said Jason, and before Bobby could think through what was just said, Simon snatched his wallet out of his back pocket and tossed it to Jason. “Now, Bobby Boy, I hate for it to be like this, but I wouldn’t be a proper villain if I just let you walk off into the sunset, now would I? If you don’t join us on this little escapade, I won’t just be taking, but I’ll be leaving something, too. Something that’s got you written on it,” and Jason held up Bobby’s wallet.

“You wouldn’t,” said Bobby.

“I am,” replied Jason. “So how’s about you lead the way.” Bobby led Jason and Simon to the back of the Cromwell house, and Simon used a library card to unlock the door. Once inside, the trio grabbed trash bags and stuffed them with anything they thought they could sell: jewelry, expensive clothes, electronics, and the like. Jason and Simon took it upon themselves to make a mess of the place while they were at it.

Once they got all they could get, they headed out the back door and shut it locked. “Simon, open the door again,” said Bobby. “I need to take a quick piss.”

“Just do it out here,” said Simon. “Do it on the door, like you did last time.”

Bobby couldn’t hold it in much longer, so he unzipped his pants and started peeing on the door. It was such a relief, it took him a moment to notice someone yelling at him, “Not again!” Bobby turned and saw a red-faced Mr. Cromwell with his wife and daughter standing there. “What the bloody hell is wrong with you boy!” Bobby looked around and saw Jason and Simon were already gone, just like last time.